Why?

Stop the Hurt: Why abusers abuse: "A 12-member jury said he was guilty."

When I first heard  Joel's story I was heartbroken, and then angry -  what kind of monster would do that? And as I found myself searching the internet for more information I was astounded at how often this happens. And then I thought.. why? Are there really that many monsters out there in the world? Is there that many evil horrible people? There must be if 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys experience some kind of unwanted sexual contact before the age of 18. Right?

I'm not sure..

I got the opportunity to speak with Jim Hopper, a Harvard professor of psychology, who is a consultant, therapist and researcher of CSA while I was training for my run for 1in6.  Exasperated I asked him.. why? What causes someone to do this? He said there really isn't one reason. The reasons and people who abuse are varied and complex. He has a really good write up on the 1in6 site here: Why do people sexually use or abuse children?  I encourage you to check it out, because as much as I'm sure we all wish we could pick out the abuser in a crowd, it's not that easy. It's nice to think and believe that there are these monsters out there and that the authorities will find them eventually, because hey, they are monsters - they'll be ferreted out, right?  Unfortunately, that is not the case. These are people you know, people you might even care about. They are deeply confused people who need help, redirection before they abuse!  I know this is going out on a limb, but in a previous post I wrote about how children are not taught about sexual abuse so that they have a voice and can know that it is wrong. In the same vein.. how does the abuser know that it is wrong? Think about it. You and I may know and have a violent reaction to that thought - how can someone not know?  Yet, not everyone has the same upbringing, the same system of beliefs. In the article posted above, the father thought that this was okay.

Which is why... we need to start this conversation, speak louder so the abuser can hear us. If just one person who is about to abuse has the reinforcement of the community's conversation about CSA, he may not abuse!

~ Suz